Right, okay. The fridge is looking pretty bare and it's Friday night. If this situation continues, all you'll have to ease your hangover will be that bottle of congealed ketchup and your flatmate's big tub of Lurpak, deep canyons gouged into its sides from the time you ran out of jam for your breakfast toast. It's time to do a Big Shop.
But like the best indie cinema, your voyage into this heart of darkness will be accompanied by an awesome contemporary pop soundtrack, so well chosen that years later, a snippet of each of these songs will remind you of the forthcoming moments of peril and glory. Be warned: there will be danger, there will be crisps, and this quest will test you to your core.
Aisle One: Fruit & Vegetables
Shopping for fruit and veg is a fundamentally optimistic exercise. Browsing the mounds of crisp leaves, fresh citrus and healthy, photogenic foodstuffs, you're bound to feel good about yourself. Salads and fruit are what beautiful, slim, well-lit people eat, and by filling the bottom shelf of your fridge with this stuff – organic things, things from the ground, where everything wholesome originates – you too will take your place among them, and in time, become financially stable and interesting to people at parties.
You know what those people listen to? Happy music. Acoustic music. Music that's inspired by, but not so drearily earnest as 'world music.' Specifically, they listen to 'Send Me On My Way' by Rusted Root, which could soundtrack a soul-nourishing hike in New England just as well as it could the fruit and veg section, but since it's used in the best foodie scene in the history of cinema (the bit in Matilda where Mara Wilson cooks pancakes), it's pegged as the ultimate in diet-related empowerment.
To read the full piece by Sam Bradley buy a copy of issue #1 - available in the shop now.